


in the stacks

by milkyt



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Library, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Devoted Kylo Ren, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Kylo Ren is an asshole, Lots of Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Soft Kylo Ren, hurt/angst, i like 'em angsty and slow, i read so much reylo that ive now run out and have been forced to write my own, of the first order, the library au that nobody but me asked for, you're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:15:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkyt/pseuds/milkyt
Summary: Rey Doe is the newest addition to the New York Public library, working as a lowly book stacker, and sorting whatever odd jobs may come her way. There she meets an Kylo Ren, the prestigious and cruel director of operations. Things don't go well... at first.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 66
Kudos: 151





	1. genesis

\-----------------------

Rey found it difficult to describe how she felt about New York. It was a complex mess of neighborhoods and societal conventions that she herself was not yet privy to, but in the short amount of time she'd been there, she knew she'd fallen hopelessly and completely in love with it. With the rat filled trains and expensive coffees, the air of pretension and defiance of said pretension that coexisted side by side it. Where London's cold indifference had felt depressingly isolating, the fast pace of NYC only reminded her of the intricate lives of all those who lived there, and she took enormous pride in being one small being within the hive of the big apple. It was winter, and Rey could just picture herself inside an old Hollywood movie, casting herself as the plucky upstart who takes on the big city and wins, before coming home to a warm and inviting family who are all overjoyed to see her. Yet, one look at her damp box room in her shared flat brought her bumping down to the cold earth with clatter. 

She had always been an early riser, and this morning in particular she found herself awake just before the sun brought itself up behind the snow heavy clouds which blanketed the tops of the skyscrapers. Padding softly through on the icy floors to the kitchen, she poured herself a mug of coffee, brewed fresh by her roommate, and best friend, Finn, who had headed out even earlier than she needed to. Wrinkling her nose at the bitterness of the coffee, she pulled out the honey from the cupboard and dumped two heaped teaspoons into her chipped mug. It was a sentimental item. The handle was partly broken, a thin, hairline crack running through the cheap china, the image on the front faded, her and Finn arms around each other, in their school uniforms. The last day of secondary school, he'd had them printed up specially, one for each of them. Drumming her chipped nails on the warm china, Rey gazed out the window, the snow swirling dramatically in the howling wind, she shivered just thinking about it, but knew she'd have to brave it to get to work this morning. Her first day, the first day of her dream job. The New York Public Library had been a weird fixation she'd had since she was a child, the gorgeous reading rooms, the soaring pillars, the hush and quiet of the patrons. Libraries had always been her safe haven, a world of order and quiet where everyone was quiet and peaceful, where she could sit for hours just reading. It felt blisteringly painful whenever she had to return to whatever group home she'd been placed in, her ears ringing with the dreadful din and clashing of the other kids. She was here now though! She had made it! 

Rey had applied for the role of library assistant over the summer, it was an offhand application, and she'd tried to not put to much hope on it. It was a slim chance, a barely possible thing, but then the email had come through that she'd been accepted to begin work in November, and then had precisely three months to sort her life out and move to New York. Finn, at that point a registered nurse, had nothing tying him to London either, and said he'd love to pack up shop and move with her. Now though, it was really hitting her that this was happening, she would walk into the library this morning and begin the job she'd only thought possible in her dreams. Rey got dressed in a blur; a long floral dress which brushed her calves, a heavy jumper which swallowed her petite figure completely, thick tights and chunky heeled boots. She only had one coat, cherry red with a patch on the front where she had caught it on a loose nail, she hoped the bright colour might distract from how obviously shabby her clothes were. She pulled the pilling wool of her jumper as a distraction, but felt her hands shaking as she picked up her duct-taped back pack. It would have to do, until her first pay check came in. 

\---------------

The snow annoyed him. It was cold, wet and stuck to his cheeks, and he hated how his face always felt freezing, but inside his heavy wool coat, he could feel the sweat dripping off of him. In other words, Kylo Ren was in a bad mood that morning. His driver had been late, something about his 'daughter's school bus being late' and how he couldn't 'just leave her at the bus stop alone', the anger was visible on his face as he snorted in derision, stepping into the BMW, his expensive coat rubbing against the soft leather. Then his personal assistant had somehow managed to fuck up his coffee order, honestly how difficult was it to get a coffee order right, it was completely the wrong type of coffee bean, and no where near hot enough as he had asked for. The only bright spot was how she'd cowered at him when he'd told her what a complete moron she was, but in less pleasant language. He thought nothing else could've gone wrong that morning. 

He'd been walking up the front steps of the New York Public Library, his sanctuary, the one place he felt truly in control of his world. If he asked for the report of expenses of the latest book release to be on his desk by three, they'd be there. If he wanted to a highly specific decoration or prop for a book launch, it would happen, in his world, no one said no to the great Kylo Ren, the man who brought elegance and glamour back to the New York Public Library. No longer was it a simply a place for bored college students to take pictures of them studying for Instagram, and dusty historians and archivists to hide behind research and tenure, no, he was making the public library a commercial property, the place to hold high brow events and conferences. Under him, the place would be transformed. He took a minute at the top of the steps, his breath misting out in front of him, to admire the view. It was rush hour in New York, and the pavements were heavy with grey-coated workers scurrying to their places of work, the snow beneath their feet pounded into a sludgy grey paste. In the corner of his eye he spies a flash of red, bright and vibrant amidst the grey, he notes it, 'obnoxious', he thinks, what kind of person wears such a ridiculous colour in winter. The already deep scowl on his face deepens, its irked him in a way he can't quite explain, and he watches as the little flash of red dips in and out of the crowd, before entering in the steady stream of those arriving that morning, seeking refuge in the honey-toned walls and high windows. Kylo Ren narrows his eyes, casting a stony glare across those around him, his collar turned high against the snow, before striding into the main lobby of the building. He wouldn't allow bad luck to control the rest of his day, in this world, he ruled supreme.


	2. great expectations

Poe Dameron is possibly the most beautiful man that Rey thinks she's ever seen. Unfortunately for her, he is also the gayest man she's ever met as well. He greets her with a warm hug and kind words, explaining how he's going to show her around, and explain her duties (though Rey read the welcome packet back to front, and could probably recite it word for word). Yet, when faced with the simple enormity of the place, she can't help but feel completely overwhelmed at the task assigned to her. She's done this before, she's worked at so many libraries she can't even keep track of them, she understands them, what makes them tick, how to handle impatient patrons, how to find just that right book recommendation. The New York Library however is a completely different beast altogether though, two point five million volumes, countless rooms and responsibilities, and to her at least a completely incomprehensible layout. Rey had only read about this library, but now here, faced with it, she was struck with awe and fear. Poe must have sensed her apprehension, and placed a warm hand on her shoulder, his brown eyes soft and kind,

"Look, I know it's a lot to take in, but I promise you, you're responsibilities are just like any other library, check books out, put books back, you can do that can't you?" he asks with a teasing smile,

"Sure can try, it's just so..."

"Big? Awe inspiring? Completely insane?"

"Well, yeah..." 

"Don't worry Rey, I promise you before the day is out you'll feel way more at ease,"

"So, where do I start?" she asks, excitement leaking through the cracks in what she hopes is the voice of a calm and competent woman.

"In the Naboo room, its the most general of the rooms, its where you get the college students and people looking to read quietly. Still, there's a lot of books to check out, and a lot of books to put back." Rey notices how easy his smile is, how open and friendly.

"Well, lead the way boss, I'm at your command," 

Poe chuckles, and begins to lead her through the complex maze of back rooms and narrow corridors, clearly his office is the furthest away from her division there is. 

"So how long have you been at the library Poe?" she asks,

"Oh, about five years now, I joined the research department of ancient Tatooine manuscripts once I'd graduated from college, I spend most days preserving and translating the scraps of the manuscripts we have, its a thankless job though," Rey can't help but hear the bitter tone at the end of his statement, the little inflection. 

"What do you mean by that? It sounds incredible, getting to work with those amazing texts all day."

"It was, until our budget was essentially slashed to zero, our new director is taking the library, in... how do I say this politely... a different direction to what I would hope he would?" 

"Would that be Mr. Ren?" Rey asked, her brow furrowed in trying to remember the article she had read about the new director of the library,

"Yes," Poe said, clearly through slightly gritted teeth, "He's essentially slashed all research and preservation budgets to nothing, in favour of certain... projects that he has seen fit to host," 

"That sounds dreadful," Rey muttered, "why would he do something like that?"

"Because he's an asshat Rey." Poe said simply, shrugging his shoulders, a grin breaking through on his handsome face. He opens the door to the Naboo room with one tanned hand, the heavy oak of it creaking. All thoughts of Kylo Ren are forgotten as she steps into the room, the tall windows of blue and green stained glass casting beautiful dancing shadows on the work tables which run down the centre of the highly arched hall. The stacks run off on each end of the room, going on for what looked like miles, Rey notes that the next thing she would need to buy would be a pair of trainers, because there was gonna be a lot of walking in her future. She breaths in, this was it, this was happening. Poe walks her to where the public service desk is, and shows her how to access the online book collection and how the layout of the library was structured. It was still early, the students who were their clearly stressed and not in the mood to talk to anyone, so she'd have a few hours of book sorting before the real rush came in. 

"Poe?" 

"Yes Rey?"

"How am I supposed to man the desk and shelve books at the same time, this place is massive, I can't be in two places at once," her tone was confused, but not indignant,

"That's a very good question Rey, usually we would have two people in this role, one to shelve and one to serve customers, however, in all his infinite wisdom, the great Kylo Ren has decided that it's a one person job," Rey tries to prevent her jaw from dropping open, but her eyes betray the panic she's feeling, her skin a sickly white. 

"So, if I'm shelving books, how can I know if someone is needing assistance?"

"The desk is equipped with a buzzer, if someone needs your attention your buzzer will alert you, and you can come back to help," 

"That seems awfully inefficient," she says, in a slightly bemused voice,

"Doesn't it just darling,' Poe said, clapping his hands on her shoulders, "This won't be an easy job Rey, but we're a family here at the library, if you stick with it, I'm sure you'll love it here. I for one am delighted to have you here," 

"Thank you Poe, you don't know what that means to me," her voice thick with emotion. 

"Give over you big softie, and get on with what I'm paying you for!" he jokes,

"Yes sir!" she said, snapping her hand to her head in a mock salute, Poe grins before sauntering out the room with his easy gait. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned fellas! they're gonna meet soon! and it won't be pretty


	3. a tale of two cities

Kylo stares out of his window, it's tall and narrow, the paned glass rattling in its metal fixings as the wind continues to moan outside. His thoughts are contemplative, for once not fixated in anger or annoyance. In front of him lies the thick binder of information for the upcoming book launch of Han Solo's latest memoir, he can barely look at it without scoffing. 'Memoir' he thinks, the man can barely write his own name without getting bored, the glossy book, so obviously ghost written that it was laughable, featured a black and white portrait of his father on the front, his handsome face twinkling despite his age. He'd been asked to do the launch as a favour to his mother, not that he wasn't making her pay for it, because the launch was going to be a huge monetary venture, but they'd managed to bag the best room in the whole library. The Padme room was reserved for the most exclusive events that the library now held, he'd stripped out all of the ugly romantic interior and refitted it with a sleek modern update, chrome, glass and sharps lines. 

It would not only be a launch for his father's book, but the launch of what he hoped would be a new start for the New York Library, a more modern approach, focused on the future rather than the past. He refocused his attention back to his sleek laptop, his inbox was filled with requests for launches, advice, events planning meetings and refurbishment updates. He slowly worked his way through them, until he saw an email from Poe Dameron, another request for funding for some ancient scroll. He promptly deleted it without so much as a second thought. That damn Poe Dameron, with his charm and popularity with every woman, and most men, within a five mile radius of the library. In the short time Kylo had been here he'd somehow managed to get on the bad side of the most popular man in New York; the only thing he took satisfaction in was his hold over Dameron, knowing that he could snap his fingers and he'd be out of here. The reality of the situation was far more complex however, Dameron was good at his job, and his management skills were invaluable to the library, without him the restoration and preservation departments would crumble. However much he didn't like it, Dameron had to stay. 

He opened the heavy binder and saw a break down of what needed to happen between now and December 12th in order to bring his vision to life, he'd had some lower caste lackey put it together for him, and seeing it there in front of him reminded him what a massive undertaking it was. Obviously he'd had have people beneath him do the brunt of the work, but he still had to ring high class patrons of the library to confirm their attendance at the launch, as well as the launch of the book, it was to be a silent auction and ball. Kylo Breathed in deeply and pressed the intercom on his desk, there was no response, he pressed again, his finger turning white with the force with which he stabbed at it, the sound loud and obnoxious. Again, no response. Poking his head out of the door, he noticed that his secretary desks was empty, he instantly saw red with fury. On her desk is a folded piece of paper, he unfurls it. 

'Dear Mr. Ren,  
Apologies but I can no longer work for you, as you make me feel like utter shit and completely disrespected, good luck getting a secretary that'll last,  
Fuck you,  
Anna'

Oh. So thats how it was. The little cunt couldn't handle being in a position of responsibility, not many can. It wasn't any loss to him, there were hundreds of people just waiting to be the personal assistant to one of the most powerful men in New York, he'd buzz human resources and get a new one within the hour. Shrugging, he crinkles up the paper and tosses it into the waste paper bin. 

\---------------

So far, Rey's first day had been challenging, but she was loving every minute of it. Like libraries she'd worked at before, she felt instantly at home in the stacks of books and ordered shelves, sliding things back onto shelves and stretching up on the toes of her boots to get that book back just where it should. Once the clock hit eleven, her buzzer was going off so frequently, she thought it easier to just stay at her customer service desk and help people, and hopefully when people started heading home around five, she would get some more time to re-shelve books, and boy were there a lot of books to re-shelve. Most of her day was spent helping people check out books, and writing down locations for where they could head to find them. This was the biggest library in the city, and naturally it seemed that her work would never be done, but Rey thrived off of it, she loved helping people find the book they wanted, loved the look of excitement in their eyes just as they brought it to her to check out. Her standing desk was also situated next to Rose, the HR manager and public liaison chief, who handled the internal workings of the library and its various employees, and any disputes that may occur between members of the public and the library. She was a sweet, funny girl, with an irreverent sense of humor which Rey took to instantly, and whenever she wasn't serving customers the two bonded and chatted over the day. 

"Omg Rey!"

"What is it Rose?" she asked,

"Keep this to yourself," Rose said in a mock whisper, "but Hux has just had to declare another relationship with a work colleague, its the third one this year!" 

"Jesus, surely whoever this Hux person is, he must be running out of people to shag by now,"

"Evidently not," said Rose, tapping away at her keyboard, "Also you didn't hear that from me, I'm absolutely terrible at keeping my mouth shut, whoever made me head of HR must have been having a laugh!"

"It's okay, I'm usually quite good at keeping my mouth shut, unless its particularly juicy," Rey teased, organizing the returned books on the cart by their placement in the library, cutting down on the length of the trip it would take to return them.

"Oh, interesting..." Rose muttered, her eyes squinting at her computer,

"What is it?" Rey asked quizzically,

"Just got an email through from Ren's office, his secretary slash PA has quit on him, not surprising, she's the second of this month as well," 

"Why'd she quit? Poe did said something about not loving the new director,"

"Well of course, the two can't stand each other, Poe's everything that Mr. Ren isn't, but he can't fire him, Poe's too good at his job. The reason she quit officially is that 'she couldn't handle a high pressure work environment', but everyone knows really its because he's an utter douchebag,"

"Does he sleep with them or...?" asks Rey, trailing off in her question, 

"No," Rose said, shaking her head, "If anything that would be better, he just has impossibly high standards, and yells if any minute detail is wrong about what he's asking for, literally, if the font is wrong on a report, his coffee is slightly too cold, he'll throw a massive hissy fit and scream at them."

"Sounds absolutely awful, you wouldn't catch me anywhere near that anytime soon,"

"Well as luck would have it, given his lack of PA, I'm going to need someone to run these files over to him, and I have a meeting in five minutes,"

"No, Rose, really?"

"Please Rey, you don't even have to look at the guy, just hand over these over, nod in a way that shows your complete subservience to his every whim, and then run away," Rose chuckled, 

"Okay fine, but you have to watch the desk for next couple of minutes, I shouldn't be gone long, oh yeah, where is his office?"

"It's in the back of the building, ask anyone on the way there and they'll be able to tell you,"

"Cheers Rose, I swear if this ends badly I'm going to make you pay," 

"You're a star Rey, drinks on me after work, I'll invite Poe and the rest of the gang, we should hang out!"

"Sounds amazing, but I have to find a very grumpy director,"

"Good luck!"

Looking back in hindsight, Rey would realize how ineffective that good luck had been.


	4. war of the worlds

As Rey walked further and further away from the Naboo room, she could sense a chill descend over the library, like someone had forgotten to turn on the heating. She tugged her jumper closer towards her, trying to huddle into herself as she tucked her hands into her armpits. The whole vibe of this area of the library was completely different, icy and cold. She'd asked a couple of people for directions to Kylo Ren's office, and they'd all offered her similar directions, there voices hushed in a way that implied how much fear he obviously instilled in those around him. Her hands sweated slightly on the papers in her hands, her faced flushed red with nerves. Whoever this Kylo Ren was, he inspired a lot of fear even as the director of a library. His door was black, heavy oak, and on it embossed in small gold letters was 'Dir. Kylo Ren, New York Library'. 'Breathe in Rey, you can do this,' she thought to herself, but even that thought was small in her mind. 

She knocked lightly on the door, "Enter," said a heavy voice. 

"Uh, excuse me, but Rose Tico asked me to drop these off for you," she said tentatively, sliding in through the door.

"Leave them on the desk," he said, not even looking up from his work. Kylo Ren was an imposing figure, he was tall, hunched over his desk, and so broad! Rey didn't know hair could be that shiny or so perfectly waved in front of someone's face, not that she could see much of it as it focused primarily on the stack of papers in front of him. She pattered softly across the luxuriously carpeted floor to his massive desk, dark mahogany, covered in stacks of papers and a very shiny Macbook. She slid the papers onto the desk, trying to not upset the mountains of work around him, and turned on her heel and made to leave, she was almost out of the door, almost home free when he heard a voice say, "Wait, come back," 

Rey paused at the door, her turned face not revealing to him the look of frustration of someone who has almost gotten away with something, she'd almost managed to leave. 

"Yes?" she said, turning to look him in the face. The first thing that hits her is his eyes, deep and brown and staring directly into her, his skin creamy and dotted with moles, his cheekbones high. Jesus christ, she thought, how is this guy a director of a library. Unfortunately her appreciation doesn't last long. 

"Are you an idiot?" he says, his voice hard and his eyes suddenly not as dreamy.

"Excuse me?" Rey says, her voice defensive and cutting. 

"I said," Kylo Ren demands, standing up to his full, very prominent height, "Are. You. An. Idiot?" 

"I don't believe so, why?" Rey answers, her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowed. 

"Because, if you weren't an idiot you would have brought me the predicted costs on the food and beverages needed for the gala in December, instead you have brought me a list of late fees that need to be paid back to the library. Therefore, I can only assume you are a complete and utter fucking moron!" 

"Hey pal," Rey said, her voice rising to a level which would suggest he was not in fact, her pal, "I'm only the messenger, and even if I had made that mistake, what makes you think you can just go around treating people like that?"

"Because I have a very important job I need to do, and if the people around me can't use a modicum of intelligence to do theirs, then they are only a hindrance to me. So stop being a fucking moron, and go and get me those papers." He said, Rey's eyes narrowed, as she looked him up and down. So this was the great Kylo Ren, she thought, a whining baby who threw a temper tantrum whenever something didn't go his way. She let herself pause for a second, and in that moment, she wasn't really afraid of him, although he towered over her in all his height, she didn't feel herself being scared at all. She'd dealt with worse bullies. 

"No," she said simply, "You're PA can get those for you, this isn't my job and I'm not going to be a pushover because you've decided to throw a temper tantrum," she said, looking him directly in the eyes. She sees him falter, she wonders when the last time was that someone said no to him. 

"Have a good day Director Ren," 

She lets the door click behind her.


	5. alice in wonderland

Although she had held it together while in his office pretty well, as soon as Rey let the door fall shut behind her, she ran off in an incredibly undignified way. The ground was carpeted and so muffled her hurried footsteps, but only when she felt warmth return to her did she stop to catch her breath. "Jesus Christ," she said to herself "what have I done? I'm going to get fired, and it's only my first day," She balled her fists up into her jumper, her knuckles white as she panicked, her face still flushed a deep, ruby red. 'I need to talk to Poe," was her first logical thought that passed through her brain. She could only imagine what Director Ren was doing at the moment, he was probably calling human resources as she spoke, telling Rose that Rey was fired, she'd have no job by the time she was back at her desk. Then it kicked in. She wasn't going to take whatever he sent her way lying down, she needed allies and a plan and she needed it fast. Rey was a survivor deep down to her bones and knew she was going to get through this, she wouldn't be fired for standing up for herself against that man. That obnoxious, arrogant, entitled prick, with his gorgeous hair and eyes that looked deep within her. "STOP" she almost yelled to herself, her eyes screwed shut and her fingers carded through her hair, there was nothing attractive about Kylo Ren, nothing! She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Rose, telling her she'd be about 15 minutes before she got back to the desk, emphasizing the dire nature of this emergency, and promising to explain everything when she got back. 

She ran to Poe's office so fast that she almost twisted her ankle in her boots, another reminder to invest in some better work shoes. Pausing to catch her breath, she inhaled deeply before rapping her knuckles on the door that read 'Poe Dameron, Head of Preservation and Restoration'. "Come on in," came the response. Rey opened the door quickly, with far more strength than she'd opened Kylo's door. As soon as Poe saw the look on her face, he knew something was wrong. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked, his face kind and receptive. 

"I... I..." Rey tried to say, her breathing laboured as she tried to push through the panic she was feeling inside. Poe's face had shifted from kindness to worry, his brow furrowed as he stroked his jaw. "I... yelled... at the director. I yelled... at Kylo... Ren." She finally got it out, swallowing a big, anxiety filled gulp after it, her eyes nervously trained on Poe's face. The seconds tick past painfully, until Rey sees what she least expected on Poe's face, a smile, which then erupts into a massive, belting laugh, deep from his gut. 

"Oh, my, god, I was not expecting that," he said, his eyes shut as he continues to laugh, struggling to get the words out as he bends over in the midst of his laughter. Now Rey's annoyed, her job is at stake and all Poe can do about it is laugh? 

"Hey, it's not funny she says," her voice registering as frustrated, the tears welling up behind her eyes threatening to seep from her tear ducts, the thickness of them building in her throat. Poe notices her discomfort, and hurries to her side, placing a reassuring arm over her shoulders. "Its okay, don't worry, you've got me and I'm going to make sure Sir Pompous Ass can't do anything to you. Trust me, everything is going to be fine." Poe took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes reassuringly, before taking a packet of tissues out of his pocket with a flourish "here, dry your eyes Emmaline Pankhurst, and tell me what happened." Rey dabbed her eyes with a tissue, and told him plainly what had happened, how Ren had degraded and yelled at her (she left our how attractive she thought he was though, those shameful thoughts were reserved for her). 

"Rey," Poe said thoughtfully, hands on his knees "I want you to know that you did absolutely nothing wrong by taking him down a peg, you simply delivered the wrong papers, which were given to you by mistake. Even if Rose had delivered them, after all she made the error, she wouldn't have deserved anything of that nature. This is why I hired you, because I saw a fight, an ambition in you that I didn't see in other people, I knew you'd worked to be here." Rey sniffed a little, a looked up, Poe couldn't have given her a bigger compliment if he'd tried. "Can I hug you," she asked, a smile on her tight cheeks stained with tears. Poe didn't even answer, simply embracing her with a warm hug with finally removed the last of the tension she'd been holding in her shoulders. "Genuinely, don't worry, if he wants you out he's going to have to get through me first." Rey gave a small giggle of laughter in response, picturing Poe squaring up to the massive figure that was Kylo Ren. 

"Now, get back to work, I'll email Rose to send any emails she gets about you to me, we've already agreed on drinks tonight, someone needs a reward for fighting the jabbawocky," 

"I wouldn't say Jabbawocky, he's not as handsome as that," Rey said teasingly, feeling guilty at how blatantly untrue she knew this, Poe laughed in acknowledgement as she left the room, raising a knowing eyebrow once she'd left, he would be keeping an eye on this for a while. 

Kylo Ren was in a mood. Again. He'd been so overcome with fury at being spoken to like that by a lowly book stacker that he'd thrown various things at the wall to calm down. It hadn't worked too well, as could possibly be seen from the splatters of ink on the wooden floor where he stomped on a glass pen given to him by his mother, the red ink and glass shatters twinkled on the floor quite prettily in the dusky glow of the light afternoon sun, for while it was still fairly overcast, a couple of rays managed to peek through. He buzzed for his latest secretary to come in and sweep up the mess, barely giving her a second glance as he waved his hand dismissively toward the clutter which lined the floors and skirting board. He couldn't stop imagining her eyes, whenever he shut his eyes he saw her face behind the lids. Maybe that was the reason he hadn't immediately rung HR to tell them to fire the girl, whoever that scruffy little nobody had been. Brown they were, brown but so much more, wild with passion and and energy, completely unguarded in a way his never were. She was tiny, a petite figure swathed in layers of fabric, her long dress trailing down to her calves, with that heinous sweater over it, yet there was something about her he just couldn't shake; the way her eyes looked at him without fear, like she wasn't looking at Kylo Ren, but just some asshole that she really, really, hated. Ah, there it was, the reminder that he had been a complete ass to her and now she would probably never look at him with anything but deep intense hatred in her eyes. 

It wasn't that he intended to be an asshole, he couldn't help it really, he just was. Kylo Ren didn't like people, ever, and so why waste time being nice to them when being rude got things done so much faster? He hated these feelings, of longing, of hope, they made him weak, vulnerable, and he quashed them like the threat that they were. Time to go back to being what he always was, cold, and most importantly of all, in charge. Looking out the window, he saw the sun setting, and three small figures leaving the library. Poe Dameron, fashionable leather satchel slung over his back, his arm around a tiny figure with a sweater on. That girl. Next to them, Rose Tico from HR, laughing at some joke that Dameron had told. The three of them looked easy, together, and Ren was struck with an odd pang of loneliness, maybe he'd like to be in that group, laughing along with them, his arm around that girl. The snow was still swirling thick, and Ren watched them disappear off into the city, suddenly struck by the thick glass which separated them, and the dark rooms which surrounded his own, empty.


	6. three's company

They looked a merry bunch, Poe, Rey and Rose did when they arrived at a trendy mid-town bar, arms slung around each other, and Rey felt that she could finally breathe. To her surprise, she hadn't been fired, no word had come through and so she hoped to put the entire incident behind her, and start the next day afresh, and most importantly, Kylo Ren free. The place was lit warmly, glowing in the swirling darkness and snow outside, soft golden light filtering through the antique windows; it buzzed pleasantly with chatter and laughter, the copper bar gleaming under the tiny lights strung across the ceiling. Rey whipped out her flip phone and sent a quick text to Finn, telling him that she'd be home a little late, but that there was food in the fridge she'd made for later. The flip phone had been a choice of necessity, she'd been a hundred pounds short on her flight to America, and had sold her phone in desperation to make up the difference, it was again, another thing that she'd need to replace when her first pay check came in. The trio seated themselves in a booth which looked out onto the street, and as Rey looked at both of them she contemplated how lucky she really was, two friends, easily made in the span of the day. New York was starting to feel less and less lonely by the minute. 

"... so yeah I was telling Rey about how Hux has slept with yet another of his colleagues, isn't it crazy?!" Rose said to Poe, sipping a brightly coloured cocktail in-between sentences. 

"Jesus," Poe said, eyes wide, "How does he keep finding people to touch his greasy skin, and that hair, it's like he washes in oil," 

"It sounds like this Hux person isn't very well liked?" Rey said curiously, swirling her vodka tonic in her pale hand. 

"Oh he isn't, the only person he really gets on with is Ren, and that doesn't speak very highly of him as a person," Poe said, eyebrow raised.

"What's so bad about the pair of them," Rey said nonchalantly, looking down while she stirred her cocktail. Poe and Rose exchange a glance before replying, 

"Well," Rose speaks first, "they're essentially massive bullies, Ren's the captain of the ship, and Hux is his right hand man, they belittle every underling they have, and I'm sure Poe has told you the havoc Ren has wreaked on the library."

"Yes," Rey said, looking up at them sadly, "I can't imagine the damage its caused, all those beautiful manuscripts rotting away." 

"Not on my watch," Poe said, taking her hand in his, "don't you worry Rey, none of them will be lost, not under me, Ren can try his best but no matter how much he slashes our funding, we'll always find a way." 

"Well that's great to hear, I'm sure you're right Poe," 

"That's enough about work!" Rose said, shaking her hands at them, "I want to know more about our new friend Rey! Tell us why you're in New York!" 

"There's not much to tell really," Rey says, with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"Oh that can't be true," Rose said,

"Yes come on Rey, tell us your tragic backstory," Poe said melodramatically, miming being stabbed into the heart. 

"Well... I'm from London," Rey started "and I moved here with my best friend Finn..."

"Oooo, is he hot?" Poe asked,

"Beside the point Poe!" Rose said, cutting him off, "Carry on Rey," 

"We met when we were in a foster home together, he's essentially my brother," Rey said, her face barely disguising a smile that she always had when she spoke about him, "I got the email from the library saying I could start in November, and he had no one tying him to London, so we decided to come together." 

"That's so sweet! Two plucky upstarts taking on the big city!" Rose said cheerily, her smile wide as she looked at her new friend. 

"It's what we're hoping, he works as a nurse in the downtown area, but we've spoken about inviting new friends to have dinner with us on Friday, as a kind of welcome party," Rey asks hopefully, 

"That's sounds tremendous Rey," Poe said, raising his almost empty to glass in a toast, "To Rey, and to new friends," he said, his tone jovial. 

"To Rey and new friends!" Rose says in concurrence, raising her glass too, 

"To the best two new friends a girl could ask for!" Rey said, chinking her glass against theirs, before all three dissolved into a pile of heady laughter. Rey knew at that point, she'd found her people.


	7. the devil wears prada

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! sorry for the wait on this latest chapter, as a lot of people have, i moved back home recently because of the coronavirus, which as you can imagine was pretty time consuming lol. am now in isolation with my family, so you can expect a lot more chapters in the near future.

He hadn't expected to see her that night, and so was surprised when he marched into the trendy downtown bar with Hux and Phasma. His head was still ringing with the image of that girl from today, the one who had yelled at him in his own office. Of course he hadn't told Hux or Phasma about it, then they' d ask why he hadn't fired her on the spot. That itself was a question he hadn't really wanted to ask himself yet. They were silent as they walked in, an ease of friendship that meant they were comfortable just being around each other without the need for words. Hux jerked his head at an empty booth next to the bar, his pale skin looking distinctly yellow underneath the warm lights, it reminded Kylo of jaundice. Phasma looked as intimidating as ever, her close cropped platinum hair reflecting the warm lights of the bar almost a painful amount, and her light blue eyes glowed warmly. The three of them seated themselves at their booth, discussing the interesting drinks available on the menu, mocking the overly complicated cocktails and mock 1920s font, rolling their eyes with practiced irony. Its mid-chuckle that Kylo Ren sees her, everything moving in slow motion. He looks around, assessing the bar, noting the copper finishes and retro touches. She's sitting in her group of friends, as of yet, oblivious to his gaze. He notices her hair, pulled back into three messy buns, shining in the warm light. Her head was thrown back in laughter, her shoulder tucked underneath Poe Dameron's armpit. As Hux and Phasma head to the bar to place their orders, he feels an uncomfortable emotion bubble up in his stomach, he looks down to his aching stomach, trying to decipher what he was feeling.

It couldn't be.

Jealousy, envy, anger, a startling mixture of all three. He glances back quickly, seeing Rey snuggled into Poe's side. It hadn't even been a day, and the floppy haired bastard had already managed to sink his claws into her, Kylo tried to shake his anger as Hux and Phasma made their way back to him, carrying a three drinks and a bowl of peanuts. They sat down opposite and slid his drink across the table towards him, it took all that he had to not turn his head and look at her.

"You alright there Kylo?" Phasma asked, sipping her martini from a tall stemmed glass, the picture of elegance.

  
"Yeah, you're looking a bit pale over there man, and thats saying something coming from me," Hux said, his slim face curved into what could be considered a smirk.

  
"I'm fine alright!" he said, coming out a bit sharper than the nonchalant tone he'd intended on, his hand grasped tightly on the glass in front of him, knuckles turning a sickly white.

"You don't look alright," Phasma muttered into her drink, her fingers dancing over the peanuts in front of her.

  
"Well, I am." Kylo retorted, his face annoyed.

  
"Come on man, just tell us what's up with you, you've barely said a word since we left," Hux said, his voice concerned.

  
"Nothing, just feeling a bit rattled today,"

  
"The great Kylo Ren, rattled?" Phasma said, her voice amused as she sipped her martini.

  
"It can happen," he said defensively, "A new girl at work," he muttered, the bottom of his glass now seeming very interesting. Hux and Phasma exchanged a look, their eyes engaging in a silent conversation over his head.

  
"New girl?" Hux said delicately, nibbling at a peanut in a way that reminded Ren of a rat, eyebrows raised.

  
"Yeah she just started today," Ren said, his eyes still trained down, not making eye contact.

  
"And why has the great Kylo Ren noticed an underling, is she some new partner or share holder or what?" Phasma probed,

  
"No nothing like that, she's just some underling nothing busy body, she delivered me the wrong papers is all," He said, still refusing to make eye contact as he looked every where but their faces.

  
"And? I take it you fired her? What's got you so rattled by this girl, everybody that works under us is an idiot, what's so different this time?" Hux said, digging deeper.

  
"She had the audacity to fucking speak back to me, the little cow, told me that I shouldn't treat people the way I did, the absolute audacity of her,"

"Then why didn't you fire her?" Phasma hissed, leaning over the table towards him.

  
"She's gotten in with Dameron apparently, if it wasn't for him I'd have fired her on the spot," he lied, he'd had no idea at the time that they were close, infuriatingly, maddeningly close.

  
"Yes Dameron, we've got to figure out what to do about him, he's becoming quite the annoying thorn in our side." Hux said, Hux was in charge of putting budgets and funding into place, per Kylo's orders, and Dameron's refusal to budge on the Restoration and Preservation budget was becoming quite the headache for him.

  
"Say, isn't that Dameron over there?" Phasma said suddenly, looking over at the group of three that Kylo had been aggressively ignoring for the past 15 minutes. Kylo looked over, his practiced mask of surprise replaced with real surprise when he saw the scene unfolding. His focus wasn't on Dameron anymore, quite the opposite, all he could see was that girl, in her ridiculous outfit and hairstyle standing up to greet another man that had just arrived. If he was jealous before, this was a new level, her face was animated and rosy, her cheeks flushed with excitement and happiness. Her male companion was dark skinned, well built and attractive, they made the perfect couple. It only took a couple of seconds for them to embrace, but the affection was clear on both of their faces, she introduced him to her new friends, her hand movements energetic as he slid into the group easily. Hatred, like he had never known before.

"Say Phasma, you know how you handle new recruits?"

  
"Yes,"

  
"Well, I think I'm ready to take on a personal assistant," he said, "I want that bitch from this morning, whatever her name is, if I can't fire her, I'll get her to quit," Phasma looked at him with amusement, "Could you transfer her?"

  
"Sure," she said nonchalantly, a twinkle in her eye "No problem Kylo,"


	8. the taming of the shrew

When Rey staggered home that night, with one of Finn's arms wrapped loosely over her shoulder, her blood singing with alcohol, she had no idea of the shit storm that awaited her the next at work. Not a clue. She woke up the next morning, slightly hungover and a little grumpy, but otherwise ready to seize the day. Finn had a rare day off from work, having worked a lot of 18 hour shifts in the previous week, and she cooked them both breakfast before setting off for work, a note on her phone reminding her to buy milk and eggs on the way home. The previous night had been magical, Finn joining them had cemented the idea that they were meant to be as a group, he slotted in perfectly. They were both a sweet antidote to Poe's salt, encouraging and naive in comparison to Rose's cynicism. They already had a group chat made, and it was constantly buzzing with funny little jokes and comments from everyone. Rey had all but forgotten of her work issue, that is, until she got in that day. 

"Rey, have you checked your email yet?" Rose said to her when she got to her desk,

"No? Why... is something wrong?" Rey asked anxiously, setting down her heavy tote bag on the carpeted floor, it slumping softly against her desk.

"It's from the top, Gwen Phasma, something about reassignment..." Rose said, her face worried, her arms crossed nervously,

"Reassignment? How is that possible, I've only been here a day!" Rey said, her fingers clacking hurridly against her keyboard as she logged into her email, her bitten nails vibrating as her hands shook. 

"Dear Ms. Doe," Rey read out loud, "Following a recent restructuring of Dir. Ren's office management team, an opening has become available as head assistant to the Dir., given the manner in which Dir. Ren is managing the library from now on, we are considering internal applicants first. Having reviewed the CVs of all within the library, yours has been selected as most appropriate, and given the flexibility of your contract, I am transferring to the role of full time assistant to Dir. Ren. Please come to my office first thing for more details of your new role. Gwendoline Phasma." a hush fell over her and Rose, looking at the email in disbelief. 

"How is this possible, what possible thing about my CV screams 'head assistant'? I'm a librarian!" Rey said, her voiced obviously panicked.

"I'm sure it's just a mix-up, you should go and speak to Phasma and get this whole thing sorted out," Rose said, placing a comforting hand on Rey's shoulder.

"Rose, what if I fuck it up, what if I actually get fired this time," 

"You won't, and even if you do fuck it up I'm sure it'll be fun to watch," Rose teased,

"Not funny Rose," Rey said, even though a smile was threatening to poke through her anxious frown.

"It's a little bit funny," Rose said, giving Rey a look that indicated she wasn't going to stop until she smiled, 

"Okay, maybe a little," Rey conceded, "but I can't go to Gwen Phasma for an assistant job looking like this! I look like a librarian!" She said, stretching her arms in emphasis of her point. Rose gave her a once over, and could see her point. Thick mustard jumper, over another flowing floral dress, with boots and a messy topknot. She looked like an art teacher, but not an executive assistant. 

"Hmm," she said, "Take off the sweater, I'll loan you my blazer," 

"You're a lifesaver Rose," Rey said hurridly, stripping off the jumper and pulling on the blazer, "Better?" she said.

"Much," Rose said encouragingly, "Now, Gwen Phasma can be a bitch so don't let her get to you, trust me, her bark is worst than her bite," 

"Cheers?" Rey said, unsure of how to take that. 

"Go get it tiger," Rose said, turning Rey round by the shoulders and obstinately pushing her in the direction of the back offices.

It was going to be a good morning, Kylo could feel it in the air. Not least because he had implemented his latest staff changes, and his new assistant should be starting this morning, as per his request to Phasma. He couldn't wake to make that little bitch squirm in front of him, that would teach her a lesson in disrespecting him. He heard scuffling outside his office door, the raised voices of two women. In interest he pressed his eye against the peep hole set into the door, in front of him were Phasma, and, that girl. He listened intently, 

"Miss Phasma, with all due respect, I don't think I'm well suited to this position," the girl was explaining, her voice professional, but agitation was bubbling under the surface. 

"I'm sorry Miss Doe, but I am only working on the instructions of my boss, if you would like to maintain a position at this library, which I believe is on your VISA sponsorship form, its this or nothing." Phasma explained, her voice patient but hard, it was clear in her tone that this was not up for discussion. 

"I apologise Miss Phasma, I'll do my best," Miss Doe said, her voice now resigned to her fate. He saw her raise her hand to the door and hastily stepped back to his desk before she could do so. A hasty rap at the door came, he positioned himself against his desk, file in hand, the very picture of a professional. 

"Enter," he said, voice booming. The two women entered, he noted that she was wearing a blazer today, looking slightly more put together than he had seen her last. 

"Dir. Ren, this is your new assistant, Miss Rey Doe, I've caught her up on her duties, but thought you might need to introduce yourself personally, given that you'll be working so closely, together." Phasma said, a twinkle in her eye. 

Kylo went to move forward, to give himself the upper hand, just so she knew what position she was in. Namely, one in which she was completely powerless to his every professional whim, but she beats him to it. 

"Dir. Ren, it's a pleasure to meet you again," she says, a wide smile on her face "I want to apologise for any of our previous interactions, I understand we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but I'm going to do everything I can to be the best assistant you've ever had." Her face was slightly flushed with heat, and he had to stop himself from picturing ways he might be able to get her to flush like that for him. Alone, when no one could see them. He shook his head slightly, the images disappearing like a reflection on water, only to reappear again. 

"It's forgotten," he said, putting on a smile, one saved for only the people he aimed to scare the most. A shark's smile, he'd heard someone describe it as, one where you could see the teeth that would one day rip out your throat "I have high, high, expectations, I hope you can live up to them," his voiced laced with threat and acid, he could feel it licking in his throat. 

"I will try my best, sir," she said, and he felt something shift in him that he really didn't like, that shouldn't have affected him like that, her voice was no longer that fake bubbly tone, it was hard, like marble, shining so hard as to dazzle him. 

"Well if you too are all caught up, I'll leave you too it," Phasma said, the pair of them jolting slightly, having forgotten that she was there for just a minute. 

"Thank you Phasma," said Ren, clearing his throat slightly, watching as the door shut behind her, before turning his attention back to Rey. 

"Now listen," he said, "I don't care what your old job was, this one is the one that matters now. It means you do what I say, and you do it immediately. If I want to ring you at midnight to get you to call someone, you do it, if you bring me something and it doesn't match up to my standards, you're gonna do it again and again until it meets my standards. Do you understand?" he said, his voice even, but there was an edge to it, an edge you didn't want to cross. 

"Yes, sir," she said, her eyes narrowed and focused on his. He felt himself edge closer to her, very acutely aware of how he towered over her. 

"Good," he said, teeth slightly gritted, "Now, my rolodex has been physical ever since I've had it, I need you to update it onto the cloud software and plug in all my contacts, and I need it done by the end of the day," he said, unceremoniously placing it into her hands, 'if you have any questions, don't bother, I don't concern myself with the incompetence of others." He sauntered round his desk to his high-backed leather seat, gracefully seating himself while still looking directly into her eyes. He crossed his legs just as smoothly, the fabric struggling to wrinkle around the knees given how immaculately pressed his trousers were. 

"You're dismissed," he said, flicking a newspaper up in front of him, smirking at the sound of the slamming door.


	9. the psychopath test

Rey had not had a good day. In fact, she'd had a miserable one. A day so bad that it took all she had to simply not vibrate with pure, physical rage. It had been three weeks since she'd started her new, new position as Kylo Ren's executive assistant, and there wasn't a single ounce of her that didn't ache with exhaustion at this point. Every minute of every day was spent either assisting Dir. Ren, or worrying about when he would next call.

She officially 'clocked off' when he dismissed her for the day, often deceptively early, at a normal time when someone might end their work day. It wouldn't be more than a couple of hours before he'd ring her up demanding some minor thing that he could easily do himself, a file from a nearby room that he was 'far to busy' to have time to go a retrieve, or a highly specific meal from that downtown restaurant that he'd ordered from once days ago, and it 'better be the right order'.

It felt malicious, personal, he'd wait till he knew she was at home, at some points literally before she was in bed, before he did it. Was it possible, Rey often caught herself thinking, that man just didn't sleep, and if he did how did he sleep easy knowing what an irrevocable piece of shit he was. Thankfully, she had her crew to get her through it. She thought she was personally determined to get through this very trying time in her life, but she had somehow managed to find three people who wanted her to succeed in the face of adversity just as much. Poe would swing by every day to have a chat, or test out some new baked good on her that he'd made recently, crack a joke or gossip inanely about something or other, and being able to laugh even while going through this made her feel infinitely better. Rose would come round unannounced and help her with various things around the house, Rey would come home to find a casserole in her fridge and fresh sheets on her bed and would want to cry with happiness, falling into the soft sheets and being able to get a good few hours in before the devil started calling her in again. And Finn, Finn had been her rock.

Now Rey was earning far more than she ever thought she would, she encouraged Finn to take a couple of shifts off a week, so that at least one of them could get some sleep. In return he'd do the shopping for her, and her laundry and various other tiny things that swelled her heart with pure love and appreciation. That night however, that night despite the love and support around her, she felt herself being pushed to her limit. Rey could feel herself slipping, her body never seemed to stop moving, she'd arrive for the day and a list the length of her arm would already be stuffed in her pigeonhole. She barely saw the man, him preferring to torment her from afar, never ending streams of complicated emails, voicemails, text messages. She would knock to ask him a question, only to find the office empty.

She would try to catch him on his way out of meetings, only to find herself blanked on all sides. It was infuriating, that a man that demanded so much of her would also give her so little recognition. The entire system was seemingly designed so that he could have the least amount of contact with her possible, his meetings were booked by her into his Google Calendar, which he would check every morning upon arrival, the only brief contact they shared was when she would introduce guests to him, and when she gave him his coffee in the morning. The word's 'thank you' did not exist in his vocabulary. The night in question was one she was counting on having off. Kylo had had a dinner reservation booked into his schedule for weeks now. Starting at 6 and conservatively estimated to last until 10, so Rey was hoping, and praying, that she'd have the night off to relax and perhaps see her friends.

It didn't end up that way.

"Finn," she called, "I'm home for the night!" she said excitedly, her arms raised in a victory pose above her head.

"Rey!" he said happily, his popping out from around the kitchen door, "I've got a surprise for you!" he said, his smiling face dusted with flour.

"Huh?" Rey said, walking to the kitchen, kicking off her worn shoes. Peering her head around the door frame, she saw Rose and Poe's smiling faces beaming back at her.

"AhhhhhH!" she screamed excitedly, throwing her arms around their shoulders, hugging them tighter than she ever had before, "What are you guys doing here?" she said, looking between them, "Finn? Did you plan this?"

"...maybe?" he said mischievously, "We thought you might like a night in with some friends, given the month you've had,"

"You guys are the best," Rey said, her eyes welling up slightly.

"It's just what you needed," Finn said with a shrug in his muscular shoulders.

"Oooo," Rey said, a look of remembrance in her eyes, "I had something I wanted to give you guys, I was going to drop it off tomorrow, but now you're all here!" Opening her massive rucksack she pulled out a slightly crinkled box, a red ribbon wound delicately around it. "It's for all of us, I got a cupcake for each person," she said with a small smile, peeling back the lid to show four massive cupcakes, each completely different.

"For Poe, coffee chocolate, Rose, mint chocolate chip and Finn, red velvet." She said, handing everyone their cake.

"Oh Peanut," Finn said, "You shouldn't have," as he unwrapped the cupcake and started eating it.

"You guys have been the best friends a girl could ask for in these past weeks, I just wanted to say thank you, even if it's just a cupcake."

"It's perfect Rey," Poe said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "We're all here for each other, always know that."

"Well, now that's all out of the way," Rose said, appreciatively holding up her cupcake, "we can get on with the nights festivities."

"What's on the agenda?" Rey said, sinking into the collapsing sofa, that even old and cracked was still the coziest thing in the flat.

"Romcoms and take out," Rose said, flopping down next to her, legs propped up on the coffee table.

"You guys are the best!" Rey said with joy, unwrapping her cupcake, a classic funfetti vanilla one,

"What're we going to watch first?"

"Well," Poe said, coming in to sit down next to Finn on the sofa across the room, "we thought a classic choice, The Devil Wears Prada, sound familiars eh Rey?"

"Oh fuck off!" she said playfully, smiling widely as she stuck her middle finger up at him.

"I'll put it in," Finn said, plucking the DVD from Rose before bending over the TV. Then she heard it.

Ring.

Ring.

RINGGGGGGGG.... Awful and metallic it rang out across the apartment, causing everyone to start. There was only person it could really be coming from, and all eyes turned to Rey. Poe let out a pitying sigh, his eyes sad.

"You should get that Rey," he said, his eyes looking down at his shuffling feet. Rey turned her eyes to Rose, then Finn, each gave an assuaging nod to her. She slid open the work blackberry and pressed the answer button, tentatively she held it up to her ear.

"Hello Dir. Ren," she said, every ounce of her self control in use as she used her calm, professional voice, "Are you having dinner with Karl Bennett and Tom Savage?"

"Rey, did you confirm the dinner reservation at The Koi Pond?" his voice was icy.

"Yes sir, I confirmed it twice today, the reservation is under your name for a table of four, in case an extra guest joined you." she felt herself relax a fraction, this was simple admin stuff, this wasn't going to ruin her night. She shifted her eyes around the room, casting a reassuring gaze to everyone.

"Then why am I standing here, with them saying there is no reservation?" the anger was palpable in his voice, the words ground from gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry sir I simply don't understand, I did confirm it, I spoke with both the owner and the general manager, they told me that everything was in place for tonight," she tried to keep her voice firm, but she could feel herself wobbling, how could people be so incompetent, she had confirmed that appointment, she knew she had.

"You are, without a shadow of a doubt, the MOST incompetent assistant I've had, you're a pathetic little nobody who is obviously way out your depth, GOD why can't you just do your job huh?"

"I did sir, evidently the restaurant has made an error." Her voice was dangerously close to anger now, she could feel it choking in the back of her throat.

"Well fat FUCKING GOOD THAT DOES ME, I have guests who are going to be here in fifteen minutes, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO? Can you tell me how you're gonna fix this GENIUS?" his voice was throbbing with anger, she could almost here the spittle on the phone, see the vein popping in his forehead.

"I will meet you at your 52rd and Park, its the blue door on the left, please collect your guests from the restaurant and bring them there. I have a plan." She hung up, she was going to prove him wrong. "Sorry guys, I can't let him win," She said apologetically, comforted by her friends supportive hugs,

"Go kill it peanut," Finn said, "We'll save you some take out,"

"NOW GO CHOP HIS DICK OFF!" Poe screamed jokingly. Rey giggled, she could do this. Melancholy washed over her a she left, hearing the chatter and laughter behind her. She would prove him wrong, she couldn't afford to not.

Somewhere in the back of Kylo's mind he knew it wasn't really her fault. He knew deep down that he'd heard her confirm the appointment, more than once. But his anger needed somewhere to go, and he just couldn't stand how well she was doing. She hadn't snapped, she hadn't fought back, she was maddeningly and painfully always in complete control. He hated it. He hated how she walked in each day and took it, hated that she stood in front of him and allowed him to yell at her. Hated her hair that fell glossily down her back, hated her tight little body in those skirts that she wore, hated her big doe like eyes and long lashes. Hated that he couldn't bring his body to be repulsed by her. Hated how he fell apart each night with her name on his lips, the thought of her lips around his cock and her pert ass bent over for him.

He knew that something had shifted when she hung up, but he had no choice but to follow, he had two very important donors coming to dinner and now needed to redirect them to his apartment, where he'd undoubtedly find her waiting for him. He gulped, the thought of her in his apartment, his mind travelling at warp speed, her clothes on his floor, her creamy skin rubbing against his silk sheets. He pinched himself. Hard. "Gentlemen," he said, greeting his two guests for that evening. Karl and Tom were both patrons of the library, and he was hoping to secure an investment for the upcoming gala in a few weeks time, the book launch of Han Solo's memoir. If it was a success, he could bring more patrons on board with his vision for the library.

"Excuse me, but due to a technical difficulty we will no longer be going to the Koi Pond, please follow me to my car." He said, his voice charming and smooth, the voice reserved for people he needed things from.

"What's going on?" Karl asked, his expensive suit wrinkling in the drizzle currently hanging over Manhattan, "My assistant has organised a more exclusive meal at another location, I think you'll agree it has a much better view when you see it," his voice with honeyed, but underneath he was anxious, Rey better be sure whatever she was doing would be good enough for these men. When they walked into the apartment, he was shocked. It smelt like her, like coffee and lemon, and in the background he could hear light music playing, slightly jazzy, with some lofi beats mixed in. He glanced over at the massive dining room table, a slab of oak that could seat twelve people. It was covered in a simple white linen table cloth, it was set for four, with white candlesticks lit in the centre, each setting carefully set with a name tag. It looked classy and high end, while also seeming homely. Before he could react, he felt a rush of cold air as a body walked up to him, Rey.

"Welcome home honey!" she said, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, and he felt his heart almost rocket out of his chest.

"Welcome to our home," she said, turning to Karl and Tom, giving each of them a firm handshake with a warm smile,

"When Kylo told me about the issue at the restaurant, I thought what better chance to test out the kitchen!" her voice was bubbly and light, and she was dressed beautifully, in a figure hugging dress that made him want to fire her on the spot.

"Kylo?" Tom said in query, clearly confused.

"Gentlemen, this is my girlfriend Rey, she offered to cook us dinner when she heard about the mix-up at the restaurant," he placed an arm around her waist, revelling in the contact. Without so much as a glance at her, he ran a thumb down her hip, enjoying how she shivered slightly under his touch. Two could most certainly play at this game.

"I was more than happy to help," she said with a smile, but he could hear the ice under it, black ice it was, visible only to those who know what to look for.

"Please, have a seat at the table, I'll bring some wine," she said, perfectly ushering the group to the table. She took coats and wine requests like the perfect New York house wife would, poured everything elegantly with a slight dip in the knees. He was floored. During dinner she remained largely silent, seated to his right she only spoke whenever he made a point, and only to emphasize or back him up on something, or if she was asked a question directly by one of his two guests.

She would get up, gracefully remove the plates and bring back new courses. He didn't know how she knew how to make all this stuff, pan-friend scallops as a starter, beautifully cooked beef and vegetables for the main, souffles for dessert, he was having to work very hard to contain his sense of disbelief.

"You know," Rey said in one moment, placing her warm fingers over his hand, "This guy is such a grumpy guts when he gets up in the morning, but I know it's just because he's working so unbelievably hard on the gala, and I just want to do everything I can to support him," she looks warmly into his eyes, her hand moving to stroke his back. Kylo stops himself from closing his eyes to glory in the feeling of her touch, but comes closer than he'd like to admit.

"That's lovely to hear Rey, dinner this evening has been just fantastic, and getting to know both you and Kylo has definitely changed our minds about this whole thing. We can see now that our business would love to make an investment in the gala, and this souffle has not been a dissauder in that," Karl chuckled heartily, turning to clap his business partner squarely on the back. Kylo noticed Rey clear away the plates and headed to the kitchen, allowing him to wrap up the business end of things. Half an hour later they were gone, and he had 100 grand to be used on the gala. He wandered into the kitchen, where she was stood at the sink, rinsing off plates to put into the dish washer.

"That was pretty impressive," he said, the closest he'd ever come to a compliment. Silence.

"Where did you get this place?" 

"It's Poe's, he lent it to me for the night,"

"Well it was quick thinking," he responded 

She was silent. 

"You know most people would be pretty happy if their boss complimented them like that," he said smugly, leaning against the counter. Still nothing.

"Hey I'm talking to you," he said angrily, clapping his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" she said, whirling around violently, pushing him away with both of her hands. Hands that an hour ago had caressed his cheek, his hand, adjusted his tie. All warmth was gone now, and Kylo had never felt as cold as he did. He missed the smile, the compliments she had showered him in, even if he knew that in reality they were fake.

"I am your employee, all that" she gesticulated with her hands, "was for the library, I was doing my job,"

"Didn't seem like that," he said, his voice confident as he stepped forward, her chest almost brushing his torso they stood toe to toe, he could feel her breath on his shirt.

"Well it was, I feel... nothing," her words were icy, and he felt each one of them punch a little bit further into his heart. She could just switch it on, and he wish that she'd never stop, that the warmth of her love was real and not a cheap imitation. He was the first to step away, his back turned to her.

"Get your things and get out," he said, his voice no longer teasing, but cold and distant. He had to build the wall again, behind which she was placed and had to stay. Every touch, every kind word, he added another brick, until he couldn't picture her face in his minds eye.

"I said GET OUT!" he yelled, his shoulders tensed and hunched. He could here her breath hitch, and turned in time to see her face, and the tears that ran down it. The door slamming behind her, her coat still hung on the coat rack. He glanced through the peep hole, the corridor empty of all people. He bent down, gathering the cheap wool into his fists, and inhaled, allowing himself to indulge in the idea that she hadn't forgotten it, but that she lived here. That she was his, that the girl she had been for dinner was who she always was for him. As he went home to his empty house he felt himself getting hard, and as he went to bed, he clutched her coat to his chest.


	10. one day

Things are frosty the next day, too say the least. If things were difficult between them before, its only increased tenfold since the dinner party. Rey still carries out her duties, but there is no dutiful smile, only silent resignation and a hardness behind her eyes that wasn't there before. Its transactional, like its always been, but where there had been dutiful frustration there is only pained hatred and Kylo wants to scream every time he sees her face, every time he sees the pane of glass she's erected between them, icy and thick like a sheet of ice. He sits in his office every day, trying to focus on work, trying to look at figures and plans and proposals but all he can think about is her tiny hand on his waist, her lips pressed against his cheek, her warm and friendly gaze, however fake, on his face. 

A tiny knock on the door, and he's back in the moment of her hands. God, her hands. 

"Enter," he says quietly, 

"I've got the revised budget for the gala," she says, her knuckles white as she grips the heavy binder pressed to her chest. 

"Hmmm," he says, nodding his head in the direction of his desk, indicating where he wants her to place it, which she dutifully does. 

"Will that be all for today sir?" she asks tensely, neck elongated and taut with effort. 

"Why? Got places to be Rey?" he said, not daring to look away from his laptop screen, he can feel it, feel himself being an asshole but he just can't help it. 

"Is this the part where I say yes, and then you come up with some meaningless task to keep me here? Out of spite?" she says tightly, her face not betraying anything. Despite himself, he chuckles. 

"You know I could fire you for that," he says jokingly, swirling his drink in one languishing hand, the ice cubes clinking against the crystal. 

"If you were going to fire me I figured it would have been after the dinner episode yesterday," she said brazenly, her eyes flaming into his as she straightened up fully. 

Kylo sees it, sees the deep hurt he's caused, the damage he's done. He feels it crippling him inside, the guilt pickling his organs and turning every vein in his body sour. 

"For that Rey, I have to apologise," he says, looking down at his desk, not bringing himself to look her in the eye, he tightens his grip on his arm rests. This is the hardest thing he's ever done. 

"What...?" she says timidly, nervously, like she's seen a ghost. 

"For my behaviour yesterday, I'm sorry I spoke to you like that, you're quick thinking saved me that business deal, and I was very impressed by your ability to think on the spot," He said evenly, though the words coming out of his mouth felt heavy and foreign. 

"Uh, thank you," she says, her voice unsure and confused. 

"You've proved yourself to be a very competent personal assistant and I thank you for that," he says, not sure where the sudden flow of compliments is welling from. Finally plucking up the courage to look up at her he sees a woman who is more baffled than pleased by his words. 

"Then, why?" she says, her face shifting to anger, her arms raised in an expression of questioning. 

"Why what?" he says back, his face mirroring her confusion. 

"Why all the yelling and impossible demands, why the constant ignoring of me and the verbal abuse? Just because you apologized for last doesn't excuse the months of pain and frankly anguish that you've inflicted on me!" she said louder, her voice verging on a screech, and he twinged inside when he heard the pain in her voice. 

"If I was good at my job why didn't you tell me, where's all this coming from?" 

Rey wasn't entirely sure why she had thought it was a good idea to yell at him. She knew it wasn't good in anyway shape or form, but it felt almost orgasmic to let it all out, and instead of receiving a verbal lashing as a result, his reaction was to sit there and, take it. Even as she hurled vitriolic hatred and frustration on him, months of anger and torment she saw his face falling. Like he was collapsing in on himself, like he was...

heartbroken. 

It was a punch to the gut, and she felt herself fall silent, and his eyes on her, searching, searching for an opening, a way to connect. 

"Well I suppose if that's all you have to say, I can see you've assessed my character quite thoroughly Miss Doe," his voice suddenly very small.

Rey opened her mouth to try and speak, but found herself suddenly too overwhelmed by the hailstorm of emotions she was feeling. Kylo goes to move, his body unfurling from his seat, stretching up and up and up. Rey marvels at him, like she does everyday, his impossible height, his muscular shoulders, his hands. God, his hands, she could write novels on them, how they felt curled around her torso, stretching from her sternum to her rib cage, the eyes that she wanted to swim in and live inside. 

He moves in what feels like slow motion, his limbs stretching out and away from her as he goes for the door, and she feels herself move, to grab his jacket, to make him stay. 

"Wait! Stop!" she calls, yanking at the back of his jacket, pulling him towards her, hard. 

"What? What do you want Rey?" he asks, and its the voice of a man desperate, a man whose craving water in a desert, the crack in his voice almost bringing a tear to her eye. 

"I..." she says stammering, not bringing herself to say the words. 

"Fine," he says resigned, irritated, moving away from her, his jacket pulled free from her grasp.

The door swings shut behind him decidedly, and Rey is left to try and unravel what just happened then, what that moment was. To dissect and pull it apart in her head, like a fraying knot, scrabbling at it with her bitten down nails.


	11. love in the time of cholera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry that its been like a month people, lock down really goes fast and you don't even realise it. i've been super busy with uni work and final exams, so i've been unable to update for a while, going forward in the summer i should be a lot more regular. thank you for sticking around, and i hope you're all doing well and staying safe xx

When Rey woke up the next morning, she knew she wasn't going to be able to go in that day. She'd swaddled herself like a baby in jumpers the night before, trying to force out the shivers she was feeling running through her body. As soon as her eyes opened on that grey morning, she felt the heat coursing through her skin and frantically ripped off the layers she'd pulled on the night before in desperation. Left standing in her thin pajamas, there was a sense of relief, that was quickly replaced with panic as she felt herself swaying dizzily from foot to foot, she managed yell out 'Finn' before collapsing on her bed. 

The next thing she felt was a cool hand on her forehead as she regained consciousness, her bleary eyes opening to Finn's concerned face. 

"You know you're not going to work today?" 

"Finnnnnn," she whined in protest, trying to struggle against his strong arms that pressed her firmly into her soft bed. 

"No complaining, you're staying home peanut," he said, his tone firm but kind. 

"You... you don't understand, my boss, he hates me, he'll fire me over this... Finn, please!" she said, her voice rising in panic.

"Rey, you need to rest, you've been running yourself ragged working for that demon, it was bound to catch up with you eventually, this is your body telling you to rest," 

"But the big meeting for..." she says before leaping up to run to bathroom. Finn groans in frustration as he hears thick, chunky vomit hitting the back of the toilet bowl. He makes his way to the tiny bathroom they share, his comforting hands pulling her hair back as he strokes her back, his suspicions further confirmed as he feels the knots in her hot back, she needs to rest. 

"Come on peanut, let's get you back to bed," he says softly, as Rey limps alongside him back to her room, the room hot and humid as Finn lowers her into the bed. He goes over to the window, and cracks it slightly, letting a cool breeze waft through the room, the rain outside continuing to patter gently on the cool tarmac far down below their little flat. He turns back to Rey, who's thrashing around in her sweaty sheets.

"Peanut, I'm swinging round to see Poe at lunch," he starts,

"Ooooooooooo for your date," she mumbles from the pillow, her eyes trying to open against the exhaustion. 

"Yes, for our date," he says, chuckling, "my point is, do you need me to take anything in that your department needs," 

"It's all in my tote bag," she says, raising a clammy hand to point at the heavy bag at the foot of her bed, stuffed with notes and folders and reminders. 

"Finn," she says, pushing through the exhaustion,

"Yes?" he says, rifling through the papers, 

"Thank you, for looking after me, I love you so much," Rey's words slurred,

"You never have to thank me peanut, I know you'd do the same for me," he presses a tender kiss to her feverish forehead, the heavy bag slung over his shoulder. 

"Now, I've left a jug of water on the side table, you've got a sick bucket and we've got some cans of soup in the cupboard if you feel up to it," Finn says, squatting down next to her,

"My number's on speed dial, ring if you need anything, I'm a nurse, it's what I do." 

"Thank you Finn," Rey says sincerely, pushing herself to sit up and reach for her phone, she needed to email Phasma now to says she wouldn't be in. 

"Remember, anything," he says as he's halfway out the door. 

"LOVE YOU!" Rey yells as she hears the door slam. A day off, she hasn't had one in forever. She hurriedly emails Phasma, saying that she'd be off for a few days with the flu, and had been advised by a medical professional to rest at home, but that the documents that Mr. Ren needs will be delivered at lunch time by her friend. She hits sends and throws her phone to the end of the bed, before dropping off into in a dreamless sleep. 

Finn isn't an angry person. He's spent much of his life fighting the world around him, the foster system, homophobia, racism, he's had to defend himself for most of his life from all directions. Enough of his time was spent being angry that as grew up, he made an active decision to let go of his deep rooted anger. Yet, when he sees his closest friend, his family, destroying their health to appease a man who never seems happy with anything, he feels heat in his stomach, like acid boiling.

He knew this day would come, the late nights where she would stumble in at midnight, the early mornings and the constant coffee orders. The nights spent crying into his shoulder about how difficult it was, he felt for Rey. He would tell her to leave, but she couldn't, their visa's only allowed them to stay when sponsored by their jobs. Rey would have to find another job which would go through the complicated sponsorship paperwork, and if she couldn't then she'd be dumped back into the UK, uprooting the lives they had started to build in New York. He also knew that it was her dream job, that while he could be a nurse anywhere, there was only one New York Library, and to ask her to leave would be cruel.

There was also Poe, Poe whose soft brown eyes had seen into him as soon as they'd met, whose charm made him feel like the only man in New York. He knew they could be something great, and he didn't want to threaten that growing relationship. Up to this day he had supported Rey, just as she had supported him during his long nights as a student nurse. Their relationship was gentle, tender, it was give and take, a push and pull that left both feeling the love they'd never had growing up. She was his family, and Finn protected his family. Which is why he had to do what he was about to do. 

The subway was cold that day, his backpack slung over his toned shoulders, Rey's light pink tote bag straining it's strapped as he gripped it in his dark hand. When Finn arrived at work he was completely in his head about what he was going to say to Rey's boss when he met them, how he was going to be tact and gentle and help Rey out of this situation. He barely even nodded at his manager before sanitizing his hands methodically and starting his rounds, functioning but still sort of out of it. He arrived at 6 that morning, giving him at break at 2, he planned to hop on the subway and be with Poe in 10 minutes, spending a wonderful hour with his boyfriend. Although they hadn't spoken about labels, the relationship had gained enough intimacy over the past few months he felt comfortable in what they had built together. 

"Finn! There you are!" Poe said happily, his trademark smirk plastered across his tan face. 

"Hey you," he says, a smile wide on his face, Rey's bag tugging in his armpit. 

"Are those the things for Ren?" 

"Yeah, Rey said that everything he would need's in here, speaking of which I need to have a word with him, he needs to transfer her back to her old job," he realises he's said something wrong when he sees the look of misery on Poe's face. 

"Babe... you can't do that, he's not going to let her go," He says kindly, his arm slung around Finn's waist as they walk up the front steps together, stopping at a small tourist bench outside the library. 

"Why not? She's killing herself with this job, she's gotten ill from running herself raw, and this isn't the job they hired her for. There's got to be a thousand people who would kill for this job, why doesn't he just replace her?" he's truly baffled as he says this. 

"She hasn't told you?" Poe asks seriously, his eyes focused on Finn's intently. 

"Told me what?" Finn asks, truly confused now. 

"That he's in love with her. Ren is in love with Rey." Poe's face is in his hands as he says it, rubbing his fingertips rubbing his forehead as he leans forward. 

"He's what?!" Finn exclaims, his whole body twisted to look at Poe now. 

"She hasn't told you?" 

  
"Does she know? Rey tells me everything about him, she's bitched about his coffee order every day for months now, how he asks her to pick up laundry, all his little nit-picks, not once has she mentioned that HE'S IN LOVE WITH HER!" Finn says, his voice rising slowly to something resembling a yell, standing up as he gets madder. 

"Calm down babe," Poe says to him, his eyes nervous as they dart around looking for spectators to the outburst "I figured she had had to have known, the way he looks at her, like she hung the stars in the sky, like he'd kill for her. It's a joke, we're constantly making jokes about it, even Phasma who usually hates mixing with the riff raff."

"Rey, she, she's terrible at that sort of thing," Finn started, his hands twisted together, "this guy in our year group, called Wilf, he once wrote a poem about her and read it out in front of the class. She thought that he just wanted to be friends, she's always clueless about people liking her." 

"Jesus," Poe said, "Are you serious? She really doesn't know?" 

"She thinks he hates her! It's all she talks about, she's convinced that the man has nothing but her own personal misery on his mind." 

"Holy shit what are we going to do?" Finn said, ringing his hands. 

"What can we do? Is there any chance she likes the monster?" 

"No! She's never mentioned anything like that, never commented on it, she hates him, hates what he's done to her, its that simple," 

"Darn," Poe said, "If there's one thing Ren needs it's someone to bone, let off all that steam that he just holds in like a shaken up Coke bottle." 

"God dammit Poe," Finn says with a chuckle, lightly shoving his shoulder before pulling him for a kiss. 

"Could get used to that," Poe says wistfully, "Remind me again why we can't do lunches everyday?" 

"Because we are very important men, with very important jobs," Finn says, his voice pretending to be serious. 

"You're my very important man," says Poe, his voice low and deep, catching Finn off guard. 

"Shut it you," he says teasingly, "We have lunch to eat, and a bag to deliver," 

"Yes sir!" 

"Would you be the best boyfriend in the world and order me some food while I drop the bag off?" Finn says, 

"Boyfriend?" Poe questions, but a smirk threatens to twitch his lip up.

"Yes?" Finn says nervously.

"Just messing, of course I can do that... boyfriend," Poe says teasingly. 

"Oh, just fuck off," Finn says while laughing, "I'll see you there in 10 minutes, call the police if you don't!" 

"See you soon baby," a peck on the lips and he's gone, off to their favourite cafe that's only five minutes away. 

Ren wasn't meant to be outside, he wasn't meant to be walking behind the bench where he saw Poe and Rey's boyfriend sitting, a familiar pink bag slumped at their feet. He wasn't meant to hear what he heard. He wishes he hadn't, because he felt the moment his heart shattered when he heard it. 

"Jesus," Poe said, "Are you serious? She really doesn't know?" Doesn't know what? Ren thought, stilled behind a pillar behind them, his breathing shallow as he tries to remain as motionless as possible.

"She thinks he hates her! It's all she talks about, she's convinced that the man has nothing but her own personal misery on his mind." It made no sense to him, he'd told Rey how much he admired her, how could she think she hated him. It suddenly clicked, Poe knew, he knew how he felt about Rey, and now he knew that Rey had no idea how he felt. 

"Holy shit what are we going to do?" 

"What can we do? Is there any chance she likes the monster?" Monster, Ren furrowed his brow at the word. 

"No! She's never mentioned anything like that, never commented on it, she hates him, hates what he's done to her, its that simple," 

Crack. There is was. In plain language, spoken not by Rey in anger, but by her boyfriend in calmly and with conviction. She hated him, he never stood a chance. He turned on his heel and slipped away, running back into the library. Kylo Ren now knew two things, things that he hadn't been entirely sure of until that day. One, everyone knew that he was in love with her, except Rey, and two, Rey hated him with every fibre of her being. It suddenly flashed before him, his unkind words, his criticism of her wardrobe, the late nights, unnecessary demands, the yelling over work that was already good enough. He had know as he had done it that it had been wrong, known that the actions might have affected her, but had never really thought about how they truly impacted her. 

'Hates what he's done to her," what had he done to her? He knew this morning that she wouldn't be in, Phasma had knocked on his door and told him that she was ill, but he didn't really think that much of it. Had he done this? Bullied her until she couldn't stand. It all hit him at once, he had made her life hell, no wonder she hated him, no wonder she had turned him away, looked past the look of desperation in her eyes. He didn't deserve her love, didn't deserve her passion or her beauty, didn't deserve her time. 

His head held in his hands, he felt unfamiliar tears leak down his cheeks, dropping onto the dark desk, so cold and devoid of life. No framed photographs, no mementos, minimal, simplistic, as he liked it. Ren turned his eyes to the open door, to where he desk stood, colourful and cheery with framed photos of her and her boyfriend and her friends from the library, he felt his hand clench as he saw Poe smiling from a bright yellow frame. 

Ren picked up the phone on his desk, dialling the number for Phasma's phone. 

"Hello this is Phasma, what can I help you with today?" 

"Hi, it's me, I need you to transfer Rey back to her old department, and I need a new assistant obviously," he could almost feel Phasma's eye roll down the phone. 

"Of course, should I tell her why it's happened?" Phasma asked, a smirk in her tone. 

"No no, just do it, I'll have someone put her stuff in a box," 

"Very good Ren," Phasma said,

  
"Thanks Phas," he said wearily, the exhaustion apparent in his voice, 

"Ren," she said quickly, "Don't give up on her, you need to show her that you care," her voice was warmer than he'd ever heard it. 

Kylo Ren put the phone down. 


	12. wind in the willows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow big turning point coming up for our moronic idiots xx they're just two idiots in love

When Rey walked into work later that week, a lot less feverish and a lot better, she was more confused than she'd ever been in her life. She had received an email from Phasma asking her to come to her office first thing that morning, and as soon as she had received it she felt a tight squeeze of anxiety in her stomach, tight and ever-present. She was concerned that her two days off had somehow jeopardized her job. By the time Rey was at work she was close to throwing up. Every step up to the library filled her with ever increasing anxiety, her scarf suddenly too tight around her neck. The walls seemed narrower as she approached Phasma's heavy door, her handing shaking slightly as she knocked twice. 

"Come in," came Phasma's booming voice,

"Hi Phasma, you-you wanted to see me?" Rey sputtered nervously, awkwardly scratching at her wrist,

"Yes Rey, welcome back, please sit down," Rey awkwardly sat in the uncomfortable leather chair across Phasma's huge desk, it suited her imposing character. 

"Mr. Ren has requested that you be moved back to your old job, he's found another candidate more suitable to be his assistant," Phasma said bluntly, her long fingers intertwined on the desk in front of her, her face kind. Rey's face was one of disbelief and shock. 

"But... but why? Did I do something wrong? Is he mad at me?" she said, stumbling over her words in her confusion. 

"He didn't say I'm sorry, just asked that you be moved back to your old job, I suppose the position was only temporary really," she said, already shifting her attention back to the sleek laptop on her desk, her mind else where. 

"So, I just go back to my old job, no problem?" 

"Yep." 

"What about my salary, does that go back to normal as well?" 

"No, Mr. Ren has said that you will maintain your current salary even when transferred back to your old department."

"Wow, okay." 

"Anything else Rey?"

"No, I think I got all of that..."

"Well someone's put your stuff into a box if you want to transfer it over,"

"Thank you Phasma, I appreciate it," the words were coming out but inside she felt cold. Rejected. Despondent. Hadn't he already said that he admired her work? That he thought she was a good assistant. Was it because she yelled at him? Rey paused outside his office, her box of small things collected together, she leaned against the door, her face in her hands as she tried to hold back the tears. It was all so confusing, the hot and the cold, the praise and the hate. She truly couldn't figure him out, his emotions, his life, his past, all of them remained blank to her. 

Rey went to move away from the door, but before she could she felt air fill the space behind her, leaving her tumbling back and back and back onto the cold floor behind her. She looked up, seeing the face of Kylo Ren himself, looking down at in confusion, his pale face slightly flushed. 

"I'm so so-" she started 

"Are you okay?" he said quickly, kneeling down on one knee, his immaculate pant leg wrinkling. 

"Yeah I'm fine," Rey said, getting onto her knees at quickly as possible,

"Here... uh.. take my hand," He said, proffering a hand to her, she took it, feeling his strong arms lift her up, one at her waist. She could feel the hairs on her arms raise up, her breath quicken, the blood rush to her face. She looked away in embarrassment, pulling away from his touch. It felt wrong, in an unexpected way, when having his hands on her felt like the most right thing in the world. 

"I see you're leaving?" he said, his voice unsure and timid, a voice Rey hadn't heard from him before. 

"Yes sir, I thought you requested it?" Her voice was snippy, cold, she snapped herself out of whatever silly daydream she had created around him touching her. 

"Uh.. I..." 

"Didn't you? Request it? After all that mumbo-jumbo about how I was a good assistant, why move me huh?" she said, stepping closer and closer to him, her finger pointed at his chest in anger. 

"Rey, it's not what you think..." his voice was melancholy, tinged with sadness, 

"What do I think?" 

"That I had you moved because you weren't good, weren't brilliant, weren't the best thing to happen to me in my life..." 

"What?" Rey stepped back, the tension broken, her eyes wide and round in confusion,

"I was awful Rey, awful, I've been awful to you since you first stepped into the office, and I wanted you to go back to the job that I know you wanted in the first place,"

"But... the gala... we worked so hard on it," 

"You worked so hard on it, we both did, I'm a big boy I think I'll be able to manage it from now on," in his voice was a low chuckle, his hands tucked into his trousers boyishly. 

"Why? Why be so awful to me, why did you do it?" Rey scanned his face intently, her eyes scanning for any sort of clue to how he was feeling, 

"Because... because..." he stammered, 

"Because what sir?" her voice was harsher than she intended it to be. 

"I, I owe you an apology Rey, for how I've behaved, for how I treated you professionally, it was wrong of me and I apologize profusely."

"So that's all this is, professional, nothing else?" Rey said, her voice cracking slightly, 

"Yes Rey," he gulped, his eyes looking away from her, at the floor, at the window, anywhere that wasn't her, "Of course it's only professional, to insinuate otherwise would be completely inappropriate."

Rey looked back at him, her eyes trained very closely on his face, his eyes. She stepped forward, her eyes continuing to search for any traces of emotion, but finding only a closed off wall. 

"Are you sure?" she was bolder, her chest pressed close to him, only a couple of millimetres from his own, her wide eyes staring up at him. And it really was up. 

"Yes Ms. Doe I am sure!" he said "I've apologized, I'm sorry for my previous actions and I would like to move forward in our professional relationship on better terms." He stepped away, straightening his tie and suit jacket.

  
"Please get back to work! There are books that need to go back to their homes!" Rey thinks he's going for a cheerful tone, but it comes out as a squeak. 

Rey was happy to be back at her position in the library, it was far easier and more rewarding than being an assistant, it felt that finally she was doing the job that she had wanted for so long, and being back with Rose was also wonderful. She had probed her that day about Kylo's behaviour, but Rose seemed to be avoiding the answer at all turns, turning the conversation in a different direction every time Rey tried to pin her down. 

"Rose please tell me, I know you're keeping something from me, what do you think he meant by all that stuff I told you about?"

"Wow would you look at the time! I'm scheduled to leave early today, can you take it from here?" 

"Rose, please..." 

"Rey, what I think, it's not my place to say, only Ren can tell you, I have suspicions but it's up to you to find out," 

"Okay," she said, "Have a good night! Say thank you to your parents for the pie they made last week!" 

"Will do! Love you!"

"Love you too bb!"

Rey turned back to the mountain of books left over from today, it would take hours to re-shelve them all, but now Rose was gone it would take even longer. Still, she found some piece in slotting them all back into exactly the right place, and the hours ticked by as she listened to her music on her old iPod and watched the clock move from six, to eight, to ten. She could hear the wind whipping outside, the rain spattering against the window, and then, a crack of lightning. She pulled up google maps on her phone and checked the subway alerts she had saved, it was just her luck, a storm had blown in and flooded the subway stations nearest to her. The nearest one would be 5 miles away, and there was no way she was braving the rain for that long. Rey saw her phone was running out of power and rang Finn. 

"Hey, I'm stuck at work, all the subway stations near me are flooded," 

"Peanut no, do you want me to send an uber?" 

"No no its fine, I have a blanket stashed way, I'll sleep here tonight," 

"You sure? I'll be worried about you staying there over night..."

"Thanks Finn, but I've always wanted to spend the night in the library,"

"Well, if you're sure, Poe's here anyway,"

"Have fun.." she said cheekily, 

"Oh fuck off," he said playfully, hanging up before she could say anything back. 

Rey looked around the darkened library, looking for a warmish place to sleep for the night. Her box of things had been left on a nearby table, and she pulled out the throw she kept at work out of it. Laying down on the comfiest sofa she could find, she tried to huddle for warmth under the blanket and sleep, letting her eyes close and rest. On her mind was Kylo, his imposing form and brusque words, but also his apologies and gentleness, the way he'd helped her up, apologized sincerely and profoundly. 

"Rey?" she heard his voice, it was strange, even for a dream it was uncannily life-life. 

"Rey," she felt a tap on her shoulder, 

"Rey!" she heard as she was shaken harder, almost falling off the sofa. She looked up and saw him. Lit imposingly, his impossibly handsome face lit from the soft night lights scattered around the room, his crisp black suit cloaking him in the dark. 

"Kylo?" she said softly, sitting up, rubbing her eyes. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" he said, his voiced hushed but concerned. 

"Sleeping," she said, 

"No..." he said, frustrated, "Why aren't you at home?" 

"My subway station got flooded, and it was so late and stormy I couldn't walk home," 

"Get, your things, I'm taking you home," 

"No... I couldn't possibly," 

"Rey," he said gently, his voice almost pained in control, "I want to know you're safe tonight, I don't want you here in the cold, especially after you've been ill."

"How did you..." 

"Come on, let's go," he said standing up from where he was kneeling front of her, picking up the box of her things as she trailed behind him nervously. Who was this man, and what had he done with the fearsome Kylo Ren. 

"Are you sure about this? I don't want to put you out," 

"You're not," he says with what looks like it could be a smile as they approach his car, a sleek black thing that looks far too expensive for Rey to even breath on it. 

"It's just, surely this is highly unprofessional, and I know you're all about professionalism," she rambled nervously, 

"I'm sure you would agree it would be the marker of a bad boss if he let his employee freeze to death," he said calmly, his cheeks flushed a little, as he gestured at the passenger side door. Rey slipped inside, the buttery soft interior comforting after the hard sofa. 

"Thank you, this is really nice of you," she says nervously, unused to this friendly side of Ren. 

"It's really no problem," he said quietly, putting the car in drive and reversing out of the covered garage. The rain hits them hard and fast and he's forced to put on the window wipers as fast as they can go, the crackle of lightning in the background causing Rey to tense up. 

"Where do you live?" he asks

"Um, Greenpoint..." she mumbles, she knows its poor and far away,

"Rey that's miles away..." he said softly, 

"I'm sorry, its really no problem, I don't want to inconvenience you," she said quickly, going to get out of the car,

"Sorry, that's not what I meant!" he said hurridly, his tone urgent, she paused, her hand on the door. 

"What I meant," he said nervously, gulping down air, "Stay with me, I live 10 minutes away, I have a spare room," 

"Kylo," she says softly, "it's too much, I don't want you to feel obligated, I know you probably don't want me in your house," her voice quivering at the end. 

"Rey," she looks up nervously, "You know nothing, you cannot understand how wrong you are," 

"What..." Rey says, confused as always.

"Rey, please say yes, knowing you're safe would make me happy." 

"Okay," she said with a nod. 

The drive there was tense, the spikes of lightning caused Rey to tense every time they happened. 

"You okay?" Ren said quietly, his hair still plastered to his head from the rain they had run through to get to the car. 

"I'm not good with storms, I, I didn't have a very good childhood, and storms were part of it..." 

"How so?" he said gently, lightly, for some strange reason Rey felt safe in the car with him, 

"My foster dad, Plutt, he would put me out during storms and force me to keep working, sometimes the lightning would come so close I could practically feel it,"

"I'm sorry Rey, I am so so sorry that happened to you," his voice was comforting but she could see his tense knuckles gripping the steering wheel. 

"Kylo?" she said, her voice low and timid, 

"Yes Rey?" 

"Why are you doing this, being so nice to me? I can't seem to figure it out, I feel like you've spent most of the time we've known each other hating me," 

"I never hated you Rey," he scoffed, 

"Then what was it?" 

"You really don't see it," he said, his voice almost desperate now, his eyes aggressively focused on the road. 

"See what?" she said, as confused as ever. 

"Can we leave it? Please, just, just for tonight," 

"Okay," Rey said, but clearly not happy about it. 

"We're here anyway," he said, pulling up in front of a tall townhouse, the kind you'd see in magazines about the rich and important. 

"Wow," Rey said, but Ren was already out of the car, opening her door for her. 

"Thank you," she said, her teeth chattering in the cold,

"Come on!" He said, taking her hand in his and pulling her towards the house. Where their hands connected was the only warm part of her body, the only part that felt alive and breathing. It wasn't electricity, not sparks she felt from his touch, but warmth, comfort... home. She saw him quickly jam the key in the lock, and push them both through it, the gale swirling outside suddenly shut out as the door slammed behind them. It wasn't what she was expecting, where she thought would be cold modern appliances were old wooden furnishings, where she had expected minimalism she saw the life in the house. Books, books on every wall she could see, soft carpet under her shoes. She could feel the warmth radiating off the walls, and she shrugged off her coat. 

"Not what you were expecting?" he asked, his eyes searching hers for approval, like a child showing off a new toy. 

  
"No... not at all," she said in awe, "It's gorgeous, it's warm and cozy and beautiful," 

"My mother helped with it," his voice sounded so unsure, Rey felt her heart clench a little. 

"Your mother?" she said, 

"Yeah," he said quickly, like he was trying to pull the words back into himself. Rey took off her shoes and walked further into the house, through the inviting living room into the kitchen. 

"Are you... are you tired," he said jumpily, 

"Yeah, I am" she said with a nervous chuckle. 

"The guest room is upstairs," 

"Okay," she said, a small smile on her face as she walked closer to him, 

"I'll show you," he said quickly, before marching off into the house, and up the stairs, Rey following after him in her fluffy socks. The staircase was narrow and wound up the tall house in steep carpeted steps, Rey's frictionless feet in socks almost slipped as she struggled to keep up with his long legs. The landing was narrow, and they both felt squeezed together as he indicated the room, to her.

"Thank you Kylo, really, this is more than I could ever ask for," 

"No... no problem," he said, "thats what... friends... are for?" his voice hopeful as he slipped the word friend in there. Rey looked up at him happily, as she tried to ignore how close he was to her.

"Yeah, friends..." she said, she then took her arms are wrapped them around his waist. His wet clothes soaking into her equally wet clothes. They held each other close, Rey oblivious to the tears in Kylo's eyes are she nestled her head under his chin.

"Thank you Kylo," she said again, opening her door, 

"Actually,"  
  


"Yeah?"

"It's uh, its Ben, my name is Ben,"

"Okay," she said with a smile, "Goodnight Ben," 


	13. kiss

When Ben Solo woke the next morning, he tried to quiet his laboured breathing, listening intently to the room next to him, as if he could hear he breathe if he strained hard enough. Pressing an ear against the war, he could hear small snuffles on the other side of the wall as he heard her stir in her sleep. Last night had been more than he'd ever dreamed, the way she'd hugged him, held him close, pressed her small, soft body against his, it was more than he'd ever hoped he'd have with her. Of course, they were only friends, tentative, new friends, and that's all they would ever be. She had a boyfriend, and seemed determined to not understand his feelings for her. He hoped that he had done enough, said enough, that she no longer hated him as her boyfriend had said she did, but now it was about proving to her that he could be a man worthy of being with her, even if it was just as a friend. That started this morning. He pulled himself out of bed and stood on his feet slightly unsteady, he grabbed a t-shirt and pair of shorts from his draws and folded them up neatly, before placing them outside her door and pattering downstairs. 

Breakfast, he would start with breakfast for both of them. He didn't know what she liked so he figured you could never go wrong with a full English, he hoped Rey would appreciate it. He almost didn't hear her soft foot steps down the carpeted stairs as he turned the sausages and cracked the eggs into the hot pan. The next thing he felt was a pair of small, warm hands wrap around his waist, he almost jumped out of his own skin as she touched him. 

"Morning," she said sleepily "That bed should be illegal, it was far to comfy for it's own good," 

"You slept well?" he said tensely, his voice strangled as he tried to think of cold cold things, cold showers, cold rivers, old library patrons, it barely worked against the soft touch of her hands. 

"Fantastically," she said happily, removing herself from him, and pulling herself up to sit on the counter next to him. His eyes almost bulged out of his head when he saw her in his massive t-shit, the shorts rendered almost unnecessary given the length of the t-shirt on her. Ben tried not to think about an impossible timeline, of them together, her wrapped in his clothes and in his arms, him cooking her breakfast every morning, sleep early-morning kisses, sharing a car to work. 

"You should let your boyfriend know where you are," he said coldly, turning his attention back to the eggs sizzling in the pan, the edges starting to blacken. 

"Boyfriend?" Rey said, her tone bemused, "Where did you get that idea,"

"That guy that brings you lunch sometimes, the one you live," he stuttered, his hopes raising slightly, 

"Oh, you mean Finn," she said with a giggle, typing something on her phone quickly, 

"Yeah?" he said nervously, 

"He's not my boyfriend dummy," she said teasingly, "You do know that Poe's gay right? That he's dating my best friend, that he's dating Poe," her voice is almost incredulous, like its the most obvious thing in the world, 

"He's not... your boyfriend," he repeated slowly, the eggs on the plate in front of him going cold. 

"No, he's not," she repeated clearly. 

"But, but," 

"But what," 

"Never mind," he said, shaking his head, looking down, focusing on plating their food, 

"One day you're gonna have to give me some answers, I feel like you're hiding something from me,"

"One day, let's eat though," he said, leading them to his massive oak kitchen table, one of warm golden hue.

"This looks incredible Ben," she said with a smile, "thank you so much," 

"It's the least I could do, after being such an ass to you for all this time," 

"Well thank you all the same," Rey took his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

"Uh... no problem," he sputtered, trying not to look at her bare legs where the t-shirt had ridden up her legs, but then he heard her moan. Rey had taken a large bite of an obscenely large sausage in front of her, her mouth clenched around its tip, her head thrown back in ecstasy as she chewed. It was obscene, pornographic, the way she licked the grease from her fingers, sucking each finger. 

"Sorry about my table manners," she said apologetically, noticing his discomfort, "Where I come from, food as good as this is difficult to come by," 

"Why was that?" he probed gently, 

"I was abandoned as a baby," she said simply, not self-pity in her voice, it was just a fact about her, "bounced around the foster-care system, had some really bad homes, that's why I love libraries so much, they're sanctuaries to me." 

Ben felt a wave of sorrow wash over him, she'd been through so much, battled so many hurdles to be where she was, and he'd made it worse, he'd made it so much worse. He'd taken a job she clearly felt incredibly passionate about and made it a miserable experience.

"I feel the same way," he offered quietly, trying to not look at her "My parents, they weren't around a lot when I was a kid, libraries made me feel safe as well, not as lonely as the house when they weren't in it," 

"They're magical things aren't they," she said, taking his hand back in hers, squeezing her fingers tightly around his.

"Why do you call yourself Kylo Ren?" she asked, a natural question given their conversation the previous night 

"My parents, they're quite well known, I wanted to be my own person and changing my name was part of that," he couldn't quite believe he was telling her this stuff, that she didn't have a boyfriend, that Poe was gay? 

"Who are your parents," she asked through a mouthful of egg, her cheeks adorably filled with food, a little yellow trickle running down the corner of her mouth. 

"I don't know if you know them, Leia Organa and Han Solo," he admitted, 

"I don't sorry, what do they do?" If Ben could have kissed her then he would've, 

"My mom is a chef, she does talk shows and cookery programs and cook books," 

"Like Martha Stuart?" she said quizzically,

"Exactly! But a bit more scary, and my dad is a Nascar racer," 

"Oh I've heard of that, I used to work in a garage and the owner was really into Nascar," 

"So yeah, neither of them were around a lot when I was younger," 

"Do you still see them?" 

"Not really, the gala we're doing is for my dads autobiography, though he didn't write a word of it," 

"Oh my god of course, that's where the name was familiar," 

"Yeah, I'm doing it as a favour, I hope it pays off," It was at this point he remembered she was still holding his hand, as she gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

"It's going to be fine Ben," she said softly, her eyes looking into his kindly. 

"Thank you Rey," 

"I'll clear the plates," she said, pushing up from the table.

"No, you don't have to do that," he said quickly

"It's fine," she said merrily, brushing him off, 

"I really insis-" he started

"You cooked breakfast, its the least I can do to clear up," she said sincerely, taking their plates to the sink, ignoring the large dishwasher and starting to hand wash the plates. 

Ben looked on with a sigh, uncomfortably hard in his sweats at the sight of her in his shirt, washing plates at his sink. It was unfair, a glimpse into a life he knew they could never have together, she would never return his feelings he was certain, even if she didn't have a boyfriend. He saw her pause at the sink, the plates washed an on the sideboard, her hands still submerged in the soapy water. 

"Rey... are you alright?" 

"God you're such an a moron," she said with a low chuckle, her head shaking with the movement, 

"Wha-" he started to say, but was cut off, because she was suddenly kissing him, and he forgot how to breathe. Her legs were straddling him, her wet hands tangled in his still messy hair, her soft lips pressed against his, he couldn't move, couldn't breathe, because it wasn't real, it couldn't be real, she couldn't be kissing him, perfect beautiful Rey couldn't have lowered herself to him. She pulled away and he gazed up at her, his eyes round. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should have known you didn't feel the same way, I'm gonna g-" she started, but then he stopped her. His hands wrapped around her waist as he pulled her down onto his lap, his hands, large and grasping at her held her tight as her brought her lips back to his. The kiss was aggressive, explosive, passionate in a way he'd never thought possible. Her hands, her hands were everywhere, touching his neck, caressing his shoulders, tangled in his hair, raising the hair wherever they traced. She was soft, soft in ways he'd only ever imagined, her skin felt like most precious of silks as he touched her lightly, tracing his fingertips over her lower back, his lips powerful while his hands were soft. Then he heard it, that same moan from earlier, low and guttural, and he almost threw her on the table. 

"Touch me, touch me Ben," words he never thought he'd hear, but was more than happy to follow, without hesitation he tore his shirt from her body, the sound of ripping fabric filling the room. 

  
"Ben..." she moaned breathlessly, in both protest and arousal, 

"Shhhh," he said, taking her in all of her glory. Her hair tousled and wild, her lips pouty and red, she had so much skin, so much skin, creamy and pale and there in front of him. 

"Jesus christ," he said, pulling her close to him, kissing down her neck, "how are you real, how are you real and here with me?" 

"I could say the same for you," she said, her breathing labored as she focused on his swirling hands running up and down her skin, feeling arousal spread between her legs. 

"Rey, I don't want to do this here, you deserve, you deserve so much more than this," 

"Ben I swear to god if you don't touch me with those obscenely large fingers of yours I'm going to..." he didn't let her finish, instead he took those obscenely large fingers and pushed them deep inside her, the slickness coating his fingers as he curled them inside her, her eyes wide and glassy as she moaned under his touch, and Ben knew in that moment that no amount of money would ever be worth as much as that sound. 

"Ben!" she cried out on top of him, 

"That feel good baby?" he said in a low voice, kissing and sucking down the alabaster column of her neck, 

"Yeah, don't stop Ben," she said breathlessly into his neck, the wet suction of his lips on her neck providing an almost overwhelming sense of feeling in her body, she felt like a tensed coil about to unravel. 

"You gonna come on my fingers baby," he said darkly, his voice making her shiver as he furiously played with her clit,

"Yes! Yes Ben!" 

"You gonna come for me now," he said, his tone almost angry, and then he felt her unravel on top of him, a rush of wetness pouring over his hand. 

"Ben..." she said, her voice tired as she looked at him, pulling him into a deep kiss as she basked in the afterglow of her orgasm. He looked at her now, ruined from riding his fingers, his leg damp with her cum, 

"So I take it you don't hate me," she said, looking embarrassed for someone who was currently naked on his lap. 

"Rey, I've had feelings for you the moment I saw you, I thought you hated me, I thought you had a boyfriend," 

"I never hated you, I hated how you treated me," she breathed out, snuggling into his chest, his arms raising protectively around her, drawing her in as close as possible. 

"And I will spend as long as it takes trying to make that up to you," he said sincerely, cupping her delicate face in his hand, 

"And how do you intend to do that..." she said cheekily, running her small hand up and down his chest, her eyes trained on him intensely. 

"By taking you out tonight, by making you come every time you let me, by showing you how wonderful and amazing you are," 

"Mr. Solo, are you asking me out tonight?" she said in fake indignation, 

"Yes I am Miss Doe," he said, his hand slipping down her lower back to cup her ass, pert and aroused on his lap. 

"Will you fuck me after that?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its all about the surrender kiss


End file.
